I've been trucking through the fall semester pretty steadily. I've already skipped as many classes as my classes' syllabuses allow before getting stamped with an automatic F. This is nothing new though, it seems that the longer I'm in college the worse my study habits get! I kind of attribute it to being an art student. On one side we have minds that are easily distracted and creative and we all seem to be inherently lazy. Lazy in the sense that normal daily things tend to get skipped over when our artistic osmosis has kicked in and we've latched on to our "media" of the moment; be it anime, gaming, music, actual artistry, or just plain creativity that we must do AT that moment. I've yet to find an art student with such an analytical mind that they can create a routine and stick to it EVERY single day with no deviance.
But, to make a long story short, sometimes us art students are roughly pulled back into reality. As I was today. I had recently sat down and figured out that it will only be 3 more semesters until I graduate. It was like, "Yes, I'm graduating!" But then today it hit me...."OMG, I'm graduating!" It's the singularly most terrifying thought that has hit me in the past couple years. I will be done... Out... Alone... Not in a lonely sense, but in a congratulations you ARE an adult, sort way. In short, I have only 3 semester, a year and a half, to get my life together and moving into the right direction. Not that I don't have my life together but I mean...1) I can actually start thinking in terms of moving away, out of Wisconsin. But where do I want to go? For real? 2) I will have a degree. A degree that will get me a REAL job. Not customer service. A real freaking job. 3) How do I get a real job? How do you find one? I need a portfolio...what should I put in it? 4) I still dress and look like I'm 17. Granted I'm really low maintenance, but 17 year olds don't walk into real job interviews. How do I look my age but still with the Asian, nerd funk? 5) Money, I haz none. I'm going out there to live on my own...um yeah...
People probably think I'm crazy, but honestly it's the weirdest feeling when it stops being daydreams and fun thoughts to, "Oh, I actually did it now what?" I want to hold on to who I am: the gamer, anime loving, Asian-funk styled, art loving, low maintenance girl. But I also need to grow-up a tiny bit. I need a pseudo me. A me that is presented to working society so that people can respect me as a professional. I don't want to be fake...I'm not saying that. I'm just learning the balance of who I am alone and with friends to who I need to be to get a job. Hopefully, I will find a job with a gaming company and not have to worry about it. But it may be that for a little while I'll be stuck in a graphics firm where talking about Guild Wars and wearing sweatpants don't cut it.
*sigh...
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