Thursday, November 4, 2010

Working Hard, Honestly.

Today was a pretty good day all in all. I've been taking little steps to straighten out my life a little.
Last night at about 1 am, I deleted all my mini-games off of my Facebook account. I deleted Sorority Life, Yoville, Farmville, and Mallworld. It was painful! I was pretty far along in all those games, so getting rid of them was a stab in the heart. I decided, thought, that is was for the best because they really took alot of time out of my day. Fluff time. I even had gone as far as buying Brownie Points and Yocash with real life money. NOT GOOD! They are gone! It's my punishment...
Secondly, I did my devotions today...I started with Genesis 1 and printed out a devotion (it was very theological) that went with it. I actually read some things in Genesis 1 that had me a bit trifled...but I'm sure it will make sense after a little while, some things seem to be out of order to me from the 1st part of the chapter to things in the last half. I need to look it up.
Thirdly, I reentered into my SparkPeople account and monitored my eating today. I feel like I didn't eat anything! But that's only because right now my body is used to white flower and white sugars and eating ALL THE TIME! I went a little over goal today on calories. :( I ate about 50 calories above goal. I went out to dinner with my mom, so I guess it was worth it.
I still skipped a class today...I know...I know...Slowly, right? I promise I'm getting back on track. I have been in the process of resubmitting late homework assignments. So that's good.
No exercise today, but I promise soon! SOON! It's hard to get motivated...lol.
I'm also planning to send of some emails and fb messages off to people I've kinda been ignoring again...another "shame on me". Poo.

See ya later, internets. (*stolen from Melina Rose)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Tides Start to Turn

I'm doing this blog on my iPod touch so I feel like I'm doing a teeny-weeny blog. It really is incredibly difficult to type on this thing; but a novelty no less. I'm sitting in a Caribou Coffee right now trying to catch up on homework. As usual this semester has not been successful, I wonder if I'll ever have the motivation to be a good student again. I've done it before! My first year of college I recieved a 3.6 GPA and went on the national honors list. I don't know where that "me" went to. Now I'm someone that only maybe-sorta goes to class, is forever behind with projects, I go to bed at 2 or 3am, eat terrible, I talk myself out of going to class and hanging out with friends, I don't exercise, I spend way to much time watching anime or on YouTube, or playing games on the computer, I have no portfolio to prove I'm an artist and with these grades I doubt I will ever be excepted into grad school. Yep, basically I'm one step away from being a bum.
Not to mention I don't think I've picked up my bible in months which makes it that much worse because not only am I failing society, I'm failing god!
Well, obviously, I've come to grips with my short comings, which they say is the first step. I don't know where to start or what what to change first but I know something has to happen. I did decided to read the bible daily starting in Genesis and reading through to Revelations. I know that will be a good step for me. It scared me the other day when I couldn't remember how many days Noah was in the ark. I mean that's basic stuff there...5 year-olds know that! It made me really ashamed for some reason. :(
Yep, that's my first step tomorrow! I'M GOING TO STICK TO IT!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Mad World

Sometimes when I'm walking around on campus...this is the song I think of. Sad, but true.

Mad World [Gary Jules]

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere
Their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

Children waitin' for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world
A raunchy young world
Mad world

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Harsh Reality Sets In...

I've been trucking through the fall semester pretty steadily. I've already skipped as many classes as my classes' syllabuses allow before getting stamped with an automatic F. This is nothing new though, it seems that the longer I'm in college the worse my study habits get! I kind of attribute it to being an art student. On one side we have minds that are easily distracted and creative and we all seem to be inherently lazy. Lazy in the sense that normal daily things tend to get skipped over when our artistic osmosis has kicked in and we've latched on to our "media" of the moment; be it anime, gaming, music, actual artistry, or just plain creativity that we must do AT that moment. I've yet to find an art student with such an analytical mind that they can create a routine and stick to it EVERY single day with no deviance.

But, to make a long story short, sometimes us art students are roughly pulled back into reality. As I was today. I had recently sat down and figured out that it will only be 3 more semesters until I graduate. It was like, "Yes, I'm graduating!" But then today it hit me...."OMG, I'm graduating!" It's the singularly most terrifying thought that has hit me in the past couple years. I will be done... Out... Alone... Not in a lonely sense, but in a congratulations you ARE an adult, sort way. In short, I have only 3 semester, a year and a half, to get my life together and moving into the right direction. Not that I don't have my life together but I mean...1) I can actually start thinking in terms of moving away, out of Wisconsin. But where do I want to go? For real? 2) I will have a degree. A degree that will get me a REAL job. Not customer service. A real freaking job. 3) How do I get a real job? How do you find one? I need a portfolio...what should I put in it? 4) I still dress and look like I'm 17. Granted I'm really low maintenance, but 17 year olds don't walk into real job interviews. How do I look my age but still with the Asian, nerd funk? 5) Money, I haz none. I'm going out there to live on my own...um yeah...

People probably think I'm crazy, but honestly it's the weirdest feeling when it stops being daydreams and fun thoughts to, "Oh, I actually did it now what?" I want to hold on to who I am: the gamer, anime loving, Asian-funk styled, art loving, low maintenance girl. But I also need to grow-up a tiny bit. I need a pseudo me. A me that is presented to working society so that people can respect me as a professional. I don't want to be fake...I'm not saying that. I'm just learning the balance of who I am alone and with friends to who I need to be to get a job. Hopefully, I will find a job with a gaming company and not have to worry about it. But it may be that for a little while I'll be stuck in a graphics firm where talking about Guild Wars and wearing sweatpants don't cut it.

*sigh...